Chief Expectation Officer

Welcome to the dark, twisted carnival of product management, where the regular rules don’t apply. Here, we dance a drunken waltz with science and art, wrapped up in the grimy trench coat of expectation management. Strap in, folks. It’s gonna be one hell of a ride.

Take customers for instance. We gotta keep them as informed as Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, going through the same routines with a different twist each time. New features? They gotta know. Upcoming changes? They gotta know. Bug fixes? They gotta know. Move a button from the left to the right? They gotta know, they gotta know, they gotta know!

Then we got prospects – dreamers looking to the future like they’ve got Marty McFly’s DeLorean. We gotta keep them excited but grounded. If we go around promising the moon and stars and end up delivering a paper plane, we’re left with one disillusioned dreamer on our hands.

In the trenches, we got developers. You know, the Scotty’s to our Enterprise, beaming us up when we’re knee-deep in aliens. They need everything laid out clear as a pixel on Pengo. What, by when, how good it’s gotta be and what corners they’re gonna have to cut. Anything less and you’ll have a mutiny faster than you can say “warp factor 9.”

Meanwhile, our customer service team is the Ghostbusters of the operation. Any change, any hiccup, and they’re the ones getting the call. They need to be ready, proton packs charged, with a clear idea of what they’re facing. No one likes a surprised Ghostbuster.

Ever met a sales rep? They’re like the Doc Browns of the operation, always one flux capacitor away from the future. They gotta sell what’s coming, not just what’s here. This isn’t QVC, folks. It’s more like the Twilight Zone.

Can’t forget the marketing folks. They’re the Indiana Jones of our city: bold, audacious, and always looking for the next big thing. But if you toss them a map with no ‘X’ on it, you’ll end up with a lost archaeologist and no Holy Grail.

And the execs? They’re like the people who show up opening night for Friday the 13th part seven. They came for a specific thing, and boy howdy we’re gonna give it to ’em. But remember the first commandment in the good book of product management: No sudden plot twists.

You’ll have hits, you’ll have bombs, but the trick is to just keep the whole gang dancing as one. In this neon-lit world of product management, synergy isn’t a buzzword – it’s the difference between saving the rec center and being thrown back on the street.